"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
