So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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