btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
