Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

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  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (8406) Bad night (1093)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

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  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5771) Bad night (1533)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

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  (615): I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays http://tfl.nu/4zqy
  Replies (17) Good night (4437) Bad night (678)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.

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  (410): Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch. http://tfl.nu/9tc4
  Replies (15) Good night (1417) Bad night (3345)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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  (508): I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money" http://tfl.nu/engr
  Replies (14) Good night (6495) Bad night (1227)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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  (402): I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of. http://tfl.nu/pxlj
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (2489)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night

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  (314): I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night http://tfl.nu/ebah
  Replies (6) Good night (2499) Bad night (1058)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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  (+44): Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS. http://tfl.nu/15we
  Replies (16) Good night (1745) Bad night (3494)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
  Replies (22) Good night (3604) Bad night (938)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

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  (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted http://tfl.nu/8l0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1574) Bad night (596)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.

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  (732): I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/lb71
  Replies (4) Good night (1249) Bad night (431)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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  (775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy
  Replies (10) Good night (1418) Bad night (473)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns

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  (602): It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns http://tfl.nu/skwr
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (391)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.

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  (940): Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked. http://tfl.nu/qrsb
  Replies (5) Good night (1017) Bad night (285)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.

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  (587): I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick. http://tfl.nu/u266
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (267)

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