Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

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  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2683) Bad night (758)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (5161) Bad night (1031)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

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  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (50) Good night (3264) Bad night (5867)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

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  (269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020
  Replies (21) Good night (5573) Bad night (1879)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.

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  (210): no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here. http://tfl.nu/1kwe
  Replies (8) Good night (1419) Bad night (3732)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
  Replies (13) Good night (2980) Bad night (2611)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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  (713): She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this. http://tfl.nu/8bwv
  Replies (13) Good night (897) Bad night (3901)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.

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  (765): Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night. http://tfl.nu/go9e
  Replies (3) Good night (2753) Bad night (1064)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco

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  (414): ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco http://tfl.nu/xqa3
  Replies (9) Good night (3245) Bad night (811)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?

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  (843): I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out? http://tfl.nu/h2y5
  Replies (19) Good night (2318) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans

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  (610): Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans http://tfl.nu/llf4
  Replies (5) Good night (1141) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT

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  (205): My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT http://tfl.nu/uxt5
  Replies (11) Good night (680) Bad night (2227)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

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  (563): I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud. http://tfl.nu/0vsx
  Replies (9) Good night (1302) Bad night (663)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?

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  (240): Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished? http://tfl.nu/q6tp
  Replies (3) Good night (1245) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.

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  (323): IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME. http://tfl.nu/tf8f
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (253)

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