I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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