i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
God gave him joint rollers for hands
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here