respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
