Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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