we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
