Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
