i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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