Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
