____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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