Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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