shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
