So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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