she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
