what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
