I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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