Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
