so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
