My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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