Umm I'm too high to move.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
