he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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