I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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