my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
