i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
