I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
