Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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