Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
