And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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