Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
