I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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