I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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