she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
