i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
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remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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