my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We need to get me chipped asap
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
