i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
