while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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