You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pants are for mortals
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