Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
