if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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