i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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