Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
