Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can text with my tongue
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
