summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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