Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.