Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.