it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian