He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
