I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
