Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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