Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
