I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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