the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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