I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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