I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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