I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
