Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
