I must be too annoying 4 u.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
