I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
