fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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